Qualities of a Good Surrogate [7 Tips]

What are the qualities of a good surrogate mother?

This guide is going to give you all the tips you need. And, there’s good news. Simply by wanting to know the qualities of a good surrogate mother, you’re already on the right track.

It’s not enough to just meet the basic requirements. You want to give a person or couple the ultimate gift of parenthood and to make sure that you and the hopeful parents have the most positive experience possible. When it comes to being a good surrogate, there are many ways to do so. We’ve created this article that breaks down seven key tips to be a good surrogate mother.

Gestational Carrier vs. Surrogate Mother

Before we dive in, there’s one quick note: When you are a surrogate, you’re not actually a mother. This is because, through the gestational surrogacy process, you won’t have any relationship with the baby. Instead, you will be a “surrogate” or “gestational carrier.”

We know that “surrogate mother” is a common term, and we want this information to be accessible to everyone. That’s why, on occasion, we may still use the term. However, it is important to use the most appropriate language wherever possible.

Now, let’s dive into seven important tips on how to be a good surrogate.

1. Take Care of Yourself

Looking out for your physical health is an important first step in how to be a good surrogate. It’s important that you are committed to altering your lifestyle to ensure that you have a safe and healthy pregnancy. This could look like:

• Eating healthy foods, and omitting certain foods from your diet
• Getting plenty of rest
• Exercising safely and regularly
• Attending all of your doctor appointments
• And more

There are many helpful resources online that provide advice for having a safe and healthy pregnancy, or you can reach out to your doctor or surrogacy professional to get the guidance you need.

2. Communicate with the Intended Parents

If you’re wondering, “What are the strengths of a good surrogate?” communication is towards the top. One of the ways to be a good surrogate mother is to have regular and open communication with the intended parents. Surrogacy is a collaborative effort. You and the intended parents are in this together, so it’s important that you are bonding and that everyone is on the same page. 

After all, you’re carrying their child. They need to feel involved in the process and to know how your pregnancy is going. The surrogacy process will form a lifelong connection between you and them, and they’ll want to know how you’re doing and how they can help you throughout your pregnancy.

Since the intended parents can’t experience the ins and outs of pregnancy themselves, involving them in the process in any way you can help them feel included. The more you openly and honestly communicate with the intended parents, the more trust there will be. And trust is the foundation of successful surrogacy.

3. Stay in Contact with your Surrogacy Professional

Communicating with your surrogacy professional is one of the traits of a good surrogate. Just as it’s important to have an open and honest relationship with the intended parents, it’s just as important to check in regularly with your surrogacy professional. They are there to provide you with constant support and guidance throughout your surrogacy journey.

Never hesitate to reach out to them with questions or if you’re in need of additional resources. It’s also important to keep them updated on your pregnancy so that they can give you the appropriate support.

4. Document your Journey

One of the qualities of what makes a good surrogate is helping the intended parents tell their baby’s story. You can do this by documenting your surrogacy process and pregnancy by taking pictures, keeping a journey and even writing a letter to the baby to be given to them by the intended parents. 

You are a big part of the baby’s story, and it can be helpful for the child to see the story from your perspective. The intended parents will likely appreciate you taking the initiative to be involved in making sure that their baby knows how they came to be.

5. Prepare the Baby for the Transfer

If you have questions about what to do as a surrogate mother to ensure a positive surrogacy experience, an important and often overlooked tip is preparing the baby for the transfer to their intended parents after they’re born. You are more than just a vessel for the baby. Throughout your pregnancy and following the birth, they will have acclimated to the sound of your voice, your scent, your touch and even the sounds of your home.

Once the baby is placed in the arms of their intended parents, they’ll start forming a bond. It can be hard for them to adjust after already having acclimated to you. You can help make this transition easier for the baby by:

• Getting them used to their parents’ voices by spending time with them and letting them talk to the baby throughout your pregnancy.
• Hold the baby on your chest before handing them to their intended parents. This allows them to confirm sounds, smells and touch they experienced during your pregnancy.
• Sleep with a stuffed animal or blanket to send home with the baby. This provides them with the familiar scent of you and your home as they transition to their new home.

6. Create a Support System

While surrogacy is a beautiful and selfless act, it comes with its share of emotional and physical challenges. Surrounding yourself with friends and family who can provide you with emotional support and day-to-day assistance can make all the difference. Having individuals in your life to lean on throughout your pregnancy will help you stay in a good headspace so that you can truly dedicate yourself to the surrogacy process.

7. Make Sure your Motives are Genuine

When it comes to dos and don’ts of surrogacy, one of the biggest “don’ts” is to become a surrogate solely for compensation. While this is definitely a benefit, it shouldn’t be your only motivating factor. If you are only interested in the monetary rewards, it’s unlikely you will feel truly fulfilled by the end of the process.

Before applying to be a surrogate, sit down and think about why you want to help a family. If it’s anything that deviates from wanting to help a person or families have a child of their own, you may want to reconsider.

Getting Started

By following these seven tips, you will be able to be the best surrogate possible and ensure a positive surrogacy process. If you have questions or want to begin your surrogacy journey today, reach out to a professional today.