Becoming a surrogate is a lengthy and rewarding process. Often, we hear questions from women wondering how their relationship status will affect the process. And it’s easy to see why. Those who are married need the support and approval of their spouse before they can start the process. But if you’re in the middle of a challenging divorce, separated or single, it’s normal to wonder if surrogacy is still an option for you.
Each of these situations will influence your surrogacy experience in different ways. In this guide, we’ll go over everything you need to know about different relationship statuses like surrogacy and divorce and whether you need to be married or not.
Trying to navigate the surrogacy process, regardless of your relationship status, can be a challenge. If you need anyone to talk to or just want to learn more about the process, please don’t be afraid to reach out. But in the meantime, keep reading to learn more.
Going through a Divorce During Surrogacy
It can be a challenge to go through the surrogacy process without the right support system. For Codi, she knew that her husband had her back from the very beginning:
“My husband had always known that I wanted to be a surrogate, even before we had our son. His mindset was, ‘Just as long as you’re safe and you’re healthy and we have one of our own, I will support you.’ That was my biggest support and I think is necessary to do this journey,” she said.
If you’re in the midst of a divorce, it might be a better idea to hold off on your surrogacy journey until everything gets settled. While there’s a chance that you could finalize your divorce during surrogacy before any medical or matching steps take place, it’s also possible for the surrogacy process and your divorce to overlap. It would be an understatement to say that going through a divorce takes a lot of emotional energy. But becoming a surrogate will take a lot out of you as well, both physically and emotionally. Instead of pushing yourself to focus on both at once, it’s a better idea to focus on one thing at a time.
If you and your spouse are still currently married, they will need to be legally involved in the surrogacy process. Laws on parental rights vary state by state, and without a legal contract that you and your spouse both agree to, it’s possible that your spouse can be declared the legal mother or father – even if they’re not genetically related to the baby. That’s why you and your spouse must work with an attorney and sign surrogacy contracts to make sure that all parental rights are transferred to the intended parents after birth and not both of you. If you haven’t signed your surrogacy contracts yet, your surrogacy specialist may advise you to wait until after the divorce is finalized. Surrogacy and divorce doesn’t usually mix well, and it could cause additional legal problems down the road.
Do You Have to be Married to Be a Surrogate?
No, you don’t need to be married to be a surrogate. It is possible to become a gestational surrogate if you’re in a relationship or if you’re single. If you have a strong support system and you want to make a difference in another family’s life, you’re encouraged to apply. But there are still some important questions you need to ask yourself, for example:
- Do I have adequate daycare?
- Can my support system be there if I need to travel?
- Am I done building my own family?
- Do I plan to start dating during my surrogacy journey?
- Is my job flexible enough and understanding about me becoming a surrogate?
If you’ve asked yourself questions like these, and you still feel good about becoming a surrogate, then the best place to start is by reaching out to a professional. To talk to a surrogacy professional today, please fill out our free contact form.
How to Become a Surrogate if You are Separated
If you are hoping to become a surrogate while separated, the process might be difficult for you. With most surrogacy agencies, there is no issue becoming a surrogate when you are single or divorced. But for women who are separated, whether legally or unofficially, things can be more complicated.
Most agencies have a policy that states you must be married, single, or legally divorced before starting your surrogacy journey. Not every agency has this stance on surrogacy and divorce, but it still might be a good idea to wait until everything settles down before you get started.
Going through a separation and divorce while pursuing surrogacy is a lot to handle at once. Right now, you are making some big adjustments in your personal life, while grieving the loss of your relationship. This really isn’t the time to big making big-life plans.
Going through surrogacy and divorce will just make things harder than they need to be when you have so many other things to be worried about. Instead, you should really take this time to focus on yourself and what you want. More likely than not, surrogacy is something that you’ve wanted to do for a long time, just like Codi:
“I wanted to be a surrogate to help people,” she said. “I had met a woman when I was in high school who was a surrogate and I fell in love with it. I thought it was a super cool journey and a way to love on people and so I thought, ‘Okay, as soon as I can do that, like once I have some of my own, I’m all about it,’” she said.
But just remember, surrogacy will still be here when you’re ready. Going through a divorce during surrogacy is tough, and we don’t want you to make it any harder than it has to be.
Can You Get Married During the Surrogacy Process?
Some women have asked, “Can you get married during the surrogacy process?” Yes! If you’re currently a single mother getting ready for your wedding, you can still pursue surrogacy. Your surrogacy professional will talk with you about how your new spouse will be involved in the process.
Surrogacy specialists have talked to women from all walks of life. They’ve answered many questions about surrogacy and divorce, separation and marriage, and they’re more than ready to answer yours as well. To speak with one of them today, please feel free to fill out our free contact form for more information.