Significant Others and Surrogacy

How Becoming a Surrogate May Impact Your Spouse

Deciding to become a surrogate for intended parents is a life-changing decision. Because this choice is so important, you have likely weighed the pros and cons, considered the impact it will have on your life, and fully realize the opportunity you are providing. 

One thing that is sometimes overlooked is how this process will impact the other people directly involved in your life — especially the spouse of the surrogate.

Having the support and complete understanding of your spouse and others in your life helps make the surrogacy process much more enjoyable and successful. In this guide, you will learn how surrogacy impacts husbands of surrogate mothers and other surrogate spouses, ways to help them understand and support your decision, and more. 

Anytime you have questions about your significant other and surrogacy, or anything relating to becoming a surrogate, you can fill out this online form to get more information and speak with a trained professional. In the meantime, continue reading this guide about surrogacy and your spouse.

Discussing Your Plans to Become a Surrogate

Open communication is a key factor for all healthy relationships. You should always explain and discuss your thoughts with your spouse before making any big decisions — becoming a surrogate is no different. Having an open dialog  about your views, the process, and potential impacts on both their and your life is a great start toward building the support system you need. 

Because the process can be complicated to understand fully, being a surrogate’s spouse can lead to many questions, and in some cases, disagreements. If you and your spouse are struggling to come to an understanding about your desire to be a surrogate, surrogacy specialists, as well as family and marriage counselors, are available to help you work through any confusion or disagreements.

Some ways to ensure you are both on the same page about your plans to become a surrogate include: 

  • Explain your reasoning. Every woman chooses to be a surrogate for different and personal reasons. It’s beneficial for your  spouse to hear your goals and motivations behind making such a life-changing decision. This allows them to see things from a different perspective and can help provide peace of mind as to why you want to pursue this path. 
  • Discuss the process. Many people have a fear of the unknown. For many partners and husbands of surrogate mothers, the main concerns is their spouse’s health and safety. Educating your spouse on the medical procedures and what to expect along the way helps them understand and prepares them for the road ahead.
  • Focus on your goals. Pregnancy can be an emotional and challenging journey. During difficult moments, you and your spouse may lose sight of what made you choose surrogacy to begin with. Keeping in mind your goals of providing a family the life-changing opportunity of parenthood or the benefits a compensated surrogacy can provide will help you through the difficult times. 
  • Keep your partner involved. One of the best ways to get support from your significant other during surrogacy is by involving them early and often. By doing so, it feels as though two of you are going through the process together. This allows them to ask your surrogacy professional questions, relate every step of the way to your feelings, and share the joy of providing a family with the gift of parenthood. Keeping them involved is a great way to build a surrogacy connection between you and your spouse.
  • Keep the bigger picture in mind. Surrogacy and pregnancy will change your everyday life; there is no way around that — but always keep in mind this is just temporary. Pregnancy doesn’t last forever, so although your spouse may be impacted by some of the changes that will occur during the year-long process, reassure them that life will soon be the way it was before your pregnancy. 
  • Take advantage of available resources. Pregnancy can be difficult for you and your spouse. Surrogacy can add a whole different challenging aspect. Suppose you are having difficulties talking to your significant other about surrogacy, educating them on the process, or just gaining their overall support. In that case, you may consider meeting as a couple with a surrogacy specialist or marriage and family counselor. These resources are available to help you all understand what to expect and guide you towards being on the same page. 

The understanding and support of the spouse of a surrogate is important to the overall success of the process. Before making any decisions, you will want to weigh its impact on you and your spouse. Anytime you have questions about surrogacy and your spouse, fill out this online form to learn more and to speak with a trained professional.  

Below, read about the effects surrogacy may have on your relationship and the best way to handle it.

Surrogacy’s Effect on Your Relationship

Every surrogacy is unique. How becoming a surrogate will impact you and your relationship will vary, but being prepared for potential outcomes is vital to maintaining a successful relationship. Below, you will find some of the most common impacts choosing to be a surrogate can have on you and your spouse:

  • Changes in day-to-day life: Between appointments, consultations with professionals or intended parents, and the pregnancy itself, you will likely notice an impact to your daily life. The physical toll pregnancy can bring may also mean husbands of surrogate mothers have to pick up a larger portion of the daily responsibilities and that anything that requires much activeness may be limited.
  • Changes in intimacy in your relationship: In the early stages of the surrogacy process, you will be on fertility medication. Because this makes an unplanned pregnancy a much higher possibility during this time, there will be restrictions on the sexual contact you can have with your partner. These typically last around a month or so, or until confirmation of the surrogate pregnancy. Even after, many women tend to have less intimate desires during pregnancy or while carrying for an intended family, which can impact the physical connection in a relationship.
  • Opinions from family and friends: Surrogacy brings many different thoughts, questions, and opinions. Often, friends and family tend to be more vocal about their feelings on your decision. You and your spouse will likely be asked many questions and have to have several conversations about the process or why you are choosing to become a surrogate. Being prepared to answer these questions and to talk about the surrogacy with others will help towards a successful surrogacy.

These are just some of the most common impacts choosing to be a surrogate can have on your relationship. Each pregnancy and surrogacy will impact the spouse of surrogates differently. Because there are so many emotions involved in pregnancy and the process of carrying for an intended family, it is important to discuss your thoughts and feelings before making any decisions. 

With such an amazing journey as surrogacy, you want to make sure you have the best resources by your side. Professionals are here to help guide you and answer any questions you or your spouse may have. Fill out this online form to learn more about the impacts surrogacy can have on spouses of surrogates or to start the life-changing process of becoming a carrier today!