When you decide to become a surrogate, you are giving the gift of parenthood to intended parents. For many women, the opportunity to help another family in this way is a lifelong dream. But what do you do if your husband is against surrogacy?
The first thing you should do is continue reading this article.
Because having the best support system is important to the overall experience of your surrogacy, we have written this guide providing you tips on what to do if you want to be a surrogate but your husband doesn’t want you to be. Every relationship and surrogacy situation is unique, but communication is a common factor towards the overall success.
Here, you will find suggestions for conversations you should consider if your husband doesn’t want you to be a surrogate. If you are concerned about your spouse not being on board with your decision to become a surrogate, or have any surrogacy-related questions, fill out this online form to contact a surrogacy professional.
In the meantime, continue reading this guide to learn more about what to do if your husband is against surrogacy.
3 Things to Discuss if Your Husband is Against Surrogacy
As a woman considering becoming a surrogate, it can be disheartening to learn that your husband or spouse does not share the same views or thoughts on such an impactful decision. The surrogacy process, although life-changing, can also be challenging to navigate on your own. From finding the best intended family, to completing the medical procedure, pregnancy, and more, you want the person you love to be by your side throughout your journey.
Often, the biggest hurdle in having the support and understanding of your spouse stems from a lack of communication. Although many conversations are needed to get on the same page about such an important decision, below you will find three of the most common topics to discuss when considering becoming a surrogate for intended parents.
1. Educate Your Spouse on the Process
One of the most frequent reasons a partner or husband is against surrogacy is simply because they do not fully understand how the process works. Educating your spouse on the process of finding intended parents, surrogate compensation, creating surrogacy contracts, and the medical process itself is a step in the right direction toward easing concerns they may have and eliminating any doubt that choosing to become a surrogate is a positive decision.
After being approved for surrogacy by a professional, matching with intended parents and signing legal contracts, you’ll complete the medical process — which, often, is the portion of the process a surrogate’s spouse is most hesitant about. The medical process can be broken down into seven steps, which include:
- The screening process: This step essentially checks to make sure you are ready to become a surrogate.
- Mock cycle: Not all fertility clinics perform a mock cycle, but this is basically a test run to determine how your body responds to the medications needed for an embryo transfer.
- Preparing for the embryo transfer: The timing of this step will depend upon the type of embryos being transferred during your surrogacy, fresh or frozen. The main difference between the two will be when the transfer occurs during your cycle. You will need to follow a precise medicine protocol to prepare your body for the embryo transfer.
- Embryo transfer: Through a catheter, the embryo is inserted through your cervix to your uterus. Although this is one of the most critical steps of the medical process, it is fairly straightforward.
- Confirmation of pregnancy: This is an exciting time. In most cases, numerous blood tests take place to confirm pregnancy. It is important to note that not all embryo transfers lead to pregnancy on the first try. You will determine how many rounds you would like to pursue when establishing your surrogacy contract.
- Six-week ultrasound: At six weeks, your ultrasound will be able to confirm the heartbeat of the baby. At this point, you will begin to receive base compensation payments. In some cases, a twelve-week ultrasound may be necessary as well.
- Prenatal care: Like any other pregnancy, you will receive regular OGBYN care. Once the time comes to deliver, you will give birth with the intended parents there, and the medical process of your surrogacy will be complete.
This is a brief explanation of the medical process. For more in-depth information about the medical procedures to become a surrogate, fill out this online form to get more information from a trained surrogacy professional.
2. Explain Your Motivation Behind Becoming a Surrogate
When you are considering becoming a surrogate, your main goal is to provide the gift of parenthood to a family who cannot have a child on their own. This is truly a life-changing decision, one that is not to be taken lightly. In many situations, a partner or husband against surrogacy does not understand this motivation.
When explaining your reasons behind wanting to become a surrogate, it may be helpful to provide reasons why intended parents pursue surrogacy. From fertility issues, to same-sex marriages, the inability to give birth to a child and more, having this perspective can provide your spouse with the peace of mind of not only why an intended family needs you but why you are choosing to help them as well.
Compensation can sometimes play a role in a surrogate’s decision. Discussing the financial impact of choosing to become a carrier may also help your spouse understand your reasoning when you want to be a surrogate, but your husband doesn’t want you to. Whatever your motivation may be, having a detailed conversation with your spouse helps put you both on the same page.
3. Discuss Your Spouse’s Concerns
As your spouse, they want what is best for you and are always concerned about your well-being. Many husbands against surrogacy worry about how becoming a surrogate could impact you. From the medical process to the emotions involved, they are against the idea because they fear it could negatively impact you.
Putting these concerns to rest should be a top priority when discussing your thoughts of becoming a surrogate. Although there are risks with any medical procedure, explaining the success rate of embryo transfers and the minimal risks involved can help ease a spouse’s concerns. Discussing how there will be no biological connection between them or you with the baby, which helps lessen the chances of any emotional attachment, is another point you may want to mention.
Ultimately, having an open and honest discussion about why your husband is against surrogacy is a great idea when considering becoming a surrogate. It not only gives you the chance to connect with your spouse and ease their concerns, but it also reestablishes the fact that although they may disagree with your thoughts, they are doing so out of the love and care they have for you.
Each husband or partner will have different concerns; although we do not suggest trying to force your spouse into something they do not want to do, we encourage you to have an open dialog when discussing such an important decision. Fill out this online form to get in contact with a surrogacy professional. They will be more than happy to discuss your specific situation with you and your husband and help provide any information needed to put you both on the same page.
Contact a Surrogacy Professional
The choice to become a surrogate is one of the most life-changing decisions you will ever make — if your husband is against surrogacy, it can also be one of the most challenging decisions. Although you are in control of your decision to become a surrogate, having the support of your partner makes the whole process better and gives you someone to be by your side throughout the challenges of pregnancy.
Surrogacy specialists are here to help!
Because each surrogate’s situation is unique, you may need to take a different approach when talking about your thoughts of becoming a carrier. Fill out this online form to get guidance and advice from a surrogacy professional. They will answer any questions you may have and provide any additional resources you may need to put you on the right path.